There is always a dominating and a dominant figure in every relationship. The dormant could usually be the more carefree person or just someone who doesn’t speak out loud. At least, that’s the way most relationships work. However, mutual understanding and respect for the other person play a big role in keeping the harmony in relationships. We make our dream houses together, cook food in them and travel the world, but somehow miss these aspects in our relationships.
We all have our own individual goals. Ideally, relationships shouldn’t be the reason that is holding you back from fulfilling them. Not only will that result in lower self-esteem and unhappiness, but also bring constraints between partners. My personal experience with my partner for 8 yrs. tells me, communication plays a big role in managing relationships. It is very important to talk about your dearest goals with your partner. But surprisingly, it is not always easy to discuss your goals with another human being. The fact that, you love the other person and he/she knows you well, doesn’t influence this discomfort. The fear of being mocked at and ridiculed keeps us back from doing it. And this gradually leads to fights and misunderstandings in your relationships.
Always remember, happiness comes from moving towards the destination you decided for yourself.
If you are someone who is concerned about discussing your goals with your partner, I am here to help. I am listing down some points that will make discussing goals easier for you.
- Convince Yourself of the worthiness of your goals- The skepticism we attach to our goals, usually come from our self-doubt. Convince yourself why your goals are what they are and why they make sense to you and are dear to you. There will be a good reason why you chose it as your goal in the first place. It becomes easier to convince others when you are convinced yourself. Analyze your goals, set your targets and timelines. Only then discuss with your partner about them.
Make sure you do not scare them with the, “We need to talk” statement. Keep it light and easy flowing for the other person to open up better. The other day a friend who runs an essay writing service was mocking how easy it is to scare a guy with that statement.
- Make sure you listen to them as passionately as you are talking to them- If you are the one who initiated the discussion, it means you are more concerned. You want to know about the other person’s goals and your alignment of their goals. Its best for both when the conversation is a 2-way conversation. Allow them to speak about their goals first and listen to them clearly. This will give you a better understanding of their goals and allow you to re-structure accordingly. Chances are your partner would speak more openly when he/she sees you valuing the conversation. You might accidentally make them realize something that they weren’t aware of in the first place. This will not only set the pace for the conversation but also make your partner curious to know your side of the story.
- Be honest and go deeper into understanding their goals- This might become a stressful affair for you later if you try to play around words in such conversations. We usually try to be sweet and end up sugar coating our words. Not only does this give the wrong impression to the other person but also brings big conflicts later on. It might be extremely difficult to open up about your goals but being completely open helps to make it easier in the long run. It might get ugly but you will have a clearer view of your relationships. The hard truth is, relationships are not always supposed to be rosy and cuddly, there will be hard days too.
Understand where do your partner’s goals come from, chances are you can discuss if a certain thing is not feasible. Usually, a second person’s view about things dear to you can give you insights you might have missed to see.
- Don’t give up if your partner is being judgmental and skeptical-
Most times than not, these conversations don’t usually go as smooth as we want them to. Don’t get agitated if you see them respond in a way you didn’t anticipate. You are risking ending up the whole conversation by doing this. You need to understand that they are coming from a different place of thought, from you. It’s pretty normal for an outsider to be perplexed or ask questions. You can’t expect them to just give in because they love you, that’s unreasonable. And don’t make your feelings evident when the other person is talking, this is one mistake most people do. This will discourage them to open up further.
- There is always a middle ground, you have probably missed-
The conclusion of these discussions is not always in black or gray. Chances are, you both don’t share similar goals for each other. Did you check if any of your individual goals could align? Did you both decide on relationship goals that you want to achieve together? It could be anything; the number of countries you travel together or designing your backyard. Make sure neither of you has the all or nothing attitude in such conversations. There is always a middle ground you can settle for, provided you both are willing to.
Were these points helpful? Tell me if you found out any other pointer while having your discussion with your partner.
Author Bio:-Mary Jones is the co-founder & editor-in-chief at TopMyGrades and focused on Content Marketing Strategy for many clients from the Education industry in US, Canada & UK. Mary has conducted a series of webinars for Expert Assignment Help. She has intensive content editing experience and, also has worked with MSNBC, NewsCred & Scripted. She has also authored blogs on Lifehack.org, Wn.com, Medium.com, Minds.com and many more digital publications.