Some people love spending time alone, and couldn’t think of a better way to spend their time. Others absolutely hate spending time by themselves and will do almost anything to avoid it. If you’re in the latter category, it’s important to acknowledge that there’s a reason you feel like this, and it is possible for you to become more comfortable spending time alone. In fact, if you do the work, you could even start to enjoy it! Spending time alone can be a real joy, but first, you need to work on yourself and get rid of those uncomfortable feelings.
Here’s why you hate spending time alone and how to change it:
You Don’t Like Your Own Company
If you don’t like spending time alone, chances are, you don’t like your own company. This could be because you don’t know yourself well enough. It might sound silly – of course you know yourself, right? – but actually, many people haven’t spent enough time alone to get to know themselves.
Becoming your own best friend is key if you’re going to start enjoying time by yourself. Becoming your own best friend can be tough if you don’t like yourself very much, so it’s important to acknowledge the beliefs and attitudes you carry and address them. How do you speak to yourself in your head? Changing this can be tough, but in the long run, it’ll help you to enjoy spending time alone. Here are some more pointers:
- If you don’t like yourself, try to figure out why. Where do those beliefs come from? Do you constantly compare yourself to other people, or do you spend time around toxic people? Some people even have toxic family members.
- Stop negative thoughts in their tracks. This doesn’t mean not feeling your uncomfortable feelings, it means refusing to start berating yourself in your head for no reason. You are not your thoughts. The thought you are having is not true.
- Find things to like about yourself. Are you thoughtful? Helpful? Funny? Intelligent? The fact that you are human, just like anybody else, makes you worthy. Even if you can’t think of anything good about yourself, know that you are enough.
Getting Comfortable With Spending Time Alone
So, you’re actively trying to undo years of conditioning. How else can you get comfortable spending time alone?
Try not to spend your time numbing how you feel. Many people do this with food, alcohol, and other substances, but it’s not a solution. Your feelings may go away for a while, but they’ll come back if you don’t address them at the source. Some people find that an intensive outpatient treatment program is necessary to eradicate these behaviors.
Taking yourself on a date once a week is a great way to enjoy spending time alone. You don’t need anybody else’s permission. Go and explore! Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Attend a class and have fun.
Check in with yourself regularly, too. Figure out what you really think without looking to other people for validation. Meditate!
It can take a while to enjoy your own company, but if you keep on working you’ll quickly realize how precious it is.